Run Cotton Candy!

Pigs do Wear Lipstick

Ok, Obama didn’t say it, so I’ll say it: Sarah Palin is a Natzi Pig in lipstick. We’ve already established that she is a woman who doesn’t believe that women are actually people who deserve equal rights as citizens of America. Now we know she is a big fat liar; an opportunist. Well thanks McCain for giving her a big fat opportunity to spread her lies and deceit (and pig manure) all over this country. Her “thanks but no thanks” to the bridge to nowhere – a big fat lie. She never actually said that. She did say “oh yes please, we’d LOVE that bridge to nowhere” in her campaign for governor of Alaska. But then Congress, not Natzi Pig Palin canceled the bridge. Just so we get our big fat facts straight.

Adsense

Just wanted to give a shout out to Adsense. I think the Vixens would all agree that we heartily endorse our current ad: "Gay Men with Muscles." Go gay men with muscles!

Nerdgasm Revisited

I seem to be somewhat focused on scientific discovery recently. I just wanted to provide an update on the geek situation. This week, I have had the opportunity to descend into the depths of a geek stronghold. I've seen a couple of men that would fall into the hot geek potential category. But there are more than just hot geeks there. I've discovered a cute boy next door type, a sexy player, and the entrancing alternative guy. But there are also horrors lurking, horrors that I had managed to block. Yes, they have nerds.

Nerds and geeks are very different. Geeks have obscure interests that border on nerd territory, but still manage to keep it together, have some social skills, and not manage to grate your nerves like nails on a chalkboard. The nerds are the pretentious, overbearing, socially retarded types that are completely oblivious to almost everything.

I don't know if it is just me, or if every teacher experiences this kind of weird draw for the nerds. They wait for me after class, just so they can talk to me a little longer. They tell me about their interests, recommend books, TV shows, and anime. They are really nice generally. It's so heart-breaking to meet them and know that they are good and decent people but they somehow are so oblivious to simple social behaviors that they have a difficult time. And even though I understand them, I still want to get as far away as quickly as possible.

A message for the nerds: there is hope. All it takes is finding someone to teach you how to relate to other people, and perhaps work on the clothes. That's it. Maybe we should start some kind of nerd rehab. Take the nerds, teach them to talk without sounding like the Comic Book Guy from "The Simpsons" and put them in some GAP-issued standard IT geek uniform. It's a slight adjustment.

Plus, think about the surge in the hot geek population. It's a win-win.

In the Interest of Science

I was talking with a friend the other day. See, I’m like a sailor on shore leave after six months at sea, most of the time. Life is like a banquet (as Auntie Mame says) and I'm one of the poor bastards starving to death. He said that a woman could join in on the banquet at any time. All she needs to do is stride boldly in to the banquet hall, and let people know she is hungry. The men will run to her, anxious to satisfy her needs.

I think the idea is laughable.

I don't believe that a woman's chances for getting sex are better than a man's. Here's the scenario: say I'm looking for someone in my office to satisfy my carnal desires. Do I have a better chance of finding a willing partner than the guy that sits two cubes down?

Men generally say, 'yes, women have better chances,' and since generally the women who are looking for sex are looking for men, it would stand to reason that it does mean a woman can have it whenever. But if this were true, women would never experience a dry spell. You could just put a sign up in your cubicle, "seeking a lover, apply within." I think it is much more complicated. Men think the pool of available women is smaller than that of interested men, and thus, statistically the chances are much better.

Women know otherwise. We've all gone without, and not by our own choosing. To suggest that a man will say yes just because the person offering has the correct set of genitalia has got to be false. Men select sex partners on the same standards, they want attractive partners, even if it is just a quick fuck. Plus, there are people who are in committed relationships who actually either respect (or fear) their partner.

So how do we test this theory? A social experiment in which we deploy the Vixens in various environments and gather statistical data on their success? It is a problematic idea to say the least, approaching strange men and asking for sex, especially if you don’t plan to follow through with each one that says yes. A survey perhaps? "Would you have sex with me? a) absolutely, b) perhaps c) never d) how much have I had to drink?" And then we would have to have a complementary team of men performing the same study.

What say you Vixens? Can we get it any time we want? What scientific principles would guide the study?

I run away

I just got back from a run. I haven't run in a while, because I bought my house and the state turned into a pressure cooker over the last two months. It might sound dramatic to say this, but running really is an act of survival for me. The past couple of winters have dragged me down into a maelstrom the equivalent of an emotional black hole, and nothing...not even antidepressants...can pull me out. I usually surf through winter on a bottle of vodka a week because I'm not running.

But running saves me. The first run of the spring or fall...that saves me, and it's exhilarating. Nothing else gives me clarity or relieves my stress like running does. When I run, the things that have been seriously getting to me fall away, and I think about things in a more positive way. It gives me energy, and when I run I can't hate my existence. I don't know why....it just happens that way.

Thank god I have a treadmill to get me through this winter.

Nerdgasm

Earlier today, in the big brother sanctioned smoking area, which is a weird 6x4x10x9 trapezoidal area, a guy gave my friend advice about a wireless router. Cute, wiry, wearing glasses and the nerd uniform of white button up and khakis. I assumed he was in IT, a place I try to stay away from for I have an unhealthy attraction to geeks.

I came into the breakroom, and there he was, working on a laptop and entranced by CNN. Mmm. Brainy and geeky and hot. Just like I like them. It's a mostly harmless fascination, but it does lead to some interesting side effects when listening to geek talk that would bore most women. I generally have very little idea of what they are talking about, but I'm picturing something else entirely.

It's nothing like the Savage Love podcast I heard today about the woman who had a grammar fetish. Interesting words were her fetish. And while I love words, I don't LOVE words, you know? She started talking about the words that turned her on, and it was pretty pornographic. Dan Savage accused her of masturbating in her call, the words so obviously did it for her. It was interesting to me, the mental switches that people have that can lead to enhanced sexual excitement.

I don't think geeks, as sexy as they are, are that thing for me. It makes me want to experiment and find one. Purely in the interest of science.