Banana Hammock

By popular demand, "Banana Hammock" will be blogged.

It all started when Married Man moved back from the Pentagon. Married Man and I used to converse on the phone and gossip about people who we both used to work with when we worked in Hell together...
When he got back from DC, he invited me over to see his new house. I was excited because I hadn’t seen the kids and I was dying to see how fat his wife got after twins.
When I arrived, he had been drinking...and no sign of a family. ANYWHERE.
"So, Married Man, where is Kathy and your FOUR children?"
"In Texas"
In the back of my mind, I am going 'Holy Sh!t. What the EFF have I gotten myself into?' He offers to fix me a drink.
"Amaretto Sour" I need to keep my wits about me and that is like drinking flavored ginger ale.
So, he fixes me a HUGE drink. I was thinking as soon as I am done with my drink, I am out of here.
He proceeds to break out some board game.
I am half way done with my drink and he needs a cig. I was like...don’t want to be in the house alone, so I better go outside with him. He lights up and we are visiting. He has a covered patio and was raining. Then, the rain picked up. Next thing I knew he was running around his back yard, naked, in the rain. I was in total shock because it was raining sooo hard and I didn’t want to get wet.
He ran into the house. All I could think of was 'please, stop raining, please, stop raining.'
He came outside in a leopard print thong.
"you know, every time I wear this, I think of you..."
Mortified, I say, "put some pants on"
It is still raining like cats and dogs outside. I am wondering when I can leave.
He comes back in sweat pants. It is the end of September so I know he has to be sweaty and gross after running in the rain.
The rain finally lets up. I grab my purse, leave my drink and get up to leave.
"Thanks for the drink, see you at work"
Married Man "Oh, no you don't. You are staying here."
I was like "um, no, gotta go home, the rain let up"
He grabs me by my shoulders and shoves me up against the wall of his house. He tries to kiss me. I pushed him away by his neck and ran to my car. He follows me out to my car and tries to open my door.
"Don't leave, please stay. STAY, STAY, STAY!"
"gotta go. See you later" and I peeled out of the driveway, spraying gravel in my wake.

This was the first time I was ever in such an uncomfortable situation. I was naïve at 29.